So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
