new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
