Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
