this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
