Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
