I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
