you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
