I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
