you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
