he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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