i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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