you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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