hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
