Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
