Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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