hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My ATM looks so different sober.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
