You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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