OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
