How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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