hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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