I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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