Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
is wine microwaveable?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
