Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
another moral hangover. fuck.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
