so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
