I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
someone owes me an orgasm
this boner is exhausting
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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