Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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