I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
