She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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