so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
