You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
