D3 body, D1 cock
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
