We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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