I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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