A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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