How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
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Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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