I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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