I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
