I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
