How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
