I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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