I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
