Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
