he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
