hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just found puke in my bra..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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