just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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