last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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