The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
