I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm passing your future prison.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
