Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we made out on top of his cat.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
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I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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