I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
