That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
