This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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