that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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