i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
