You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
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Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
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So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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