Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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