She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
