i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
