He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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