He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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