just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
