Me. At least after what I've been through.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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