what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
