He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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