The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can u get pink eye on your cock?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize