how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
