I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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