dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
false alarm. still invincible.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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