You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
