Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
where are my eyebrows?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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