yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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