Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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