just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
