Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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