Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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