Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
