Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
