I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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