Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
