mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
