The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
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On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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