Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
